Is this still play?

Play is a complex social interaction, one where dogs use elements of predatory, agonistic, sexual and social behaviour — but they do it in a changed, safer context. And that's the whole point.

Dogs who are only just getting to know each other, seeing each other for the first time, on leashes, with a great deal going on around them, bring plenty into the interaction: uncertainty, stress, frustration, fear, helplessness, excitement. Completely normal — but you need to know it.

Look at the whole interaction

Research on dogs keeps making the same point: social play often contains behaviour that, outside play, would look like conflict, hunting or a stand-off — chasing, knocking over, biting, wrestling, jumping, shoving. Which is why you can't judge play by one piece of it. You have to look at the whole shape of the interaction:

• Are the dogs regulating themselves?
• Do they swap roles?
• Do they take breaks?
• Are their bodies soft?
• Is one of them under constant pressure?

Let's start with a perhaps unusual interaction, Video 1, where you can see two dogs who — apart from sliding all over the laminate floor 😆 — are nipping, shoving and scrapping with each other, all of it in a spirit of mild rivalry.

The little black mongrel is trying to teach a young griffon some manners. Not an easy pupil. It isn't “typical” soft play, but I think the mongrel is handling the situation well. Interactions like this are worth watching in dogs. Young dogs aren't easy to talk to, because they're often testing what they can get away with.

A full-on interaction isn't, in itself, a problem.

It's often exactly these fast interactions that scare us, and I understand that. But try turning an active young terrier into a slow, older dog. 😅 The running, the wrestling and the intensity on their own aren't that much of a problem. The problem is:

• no regulation,
• no give-and-take,
• no way out of the interaction,
• the other dog's messages getting ignored.

Sound familiar? You'll see all kinds of interactions between dogs in the videos in this ebook, so you can see which elements I mean, what kind of tension, what kind of context.

Harry, the whippet who can't stop

In my classes in Wrocław I currently have a few young whippets. Movement is the first thing that comes into their heads when they're getting to know another dog, competing with them, trying to move them around and influence them. Whippet speed and agility are certainly an asset.

But one of them, Harry, loses touch with what's actually going on — and what all the fuss is about — the moment he starts running. He begins to crash into the other dog at full tilt, knocks them over, barks straight into their face, herds them into one spot and tries to take his frustration out on that dog; in all that chaos he's also tried to grab the other dog's ear or muzzle with his teeth. I probably don't need to add that he doesn't wait for a message from the other side — he's far too worked up. And that's when you hear:

• “ah, leave them, they'll sort it out”
• “the other one will put him in his place in a minute”
• “that's just how sighthounds are”

Red flags, every one of them. Someone who comments on an interaction like that most likely doesn't know what's actually going on or how it will affect the dog's future interactions with other dogs, and doesn't know how to stop it.

Behaviour like this doesn't vanish on its own after adolescence; I'd venture that it gets stronger. It can come from a dog's insecurity, from not being able to control their arousal and regulate their emotions. In this case: insecurity and excitement. And that's one side of it, but the other is not leaving a dog on their own in moments like these.

A stick instead of a sprint

In the video you'll see Harry interacting with a dog his own age. Video 2

The springer spaniel, though, has a completely different character, a different personality. He's more confident around other dogs, watches a lot, analyses, adjusts his behaviour to the other dog. At first, when he met Harry's energy, he was a little taken aback, at times overwhelmed.

The two owners and I mediated between the dogs. Wilson the spaniel fairly quickly spotted what would bring Harry's tension down and help them get along: a stick. It was his idea. And it hit the mark.

Of course it was rivalry too, but the two males were working out between themselves what was okay and what wasn't. That was easier than working out the same thing at a run. Sometimes they shared the prize, sometimes they swapped, sometimes they made it very clear that “this is mine now, don't take it”. An interaction like this builds a dog's sense of agency, and it's practice in letting go and in self-control (he's got the stick now, not me).

Meeting my adult, very mature dog was another bullseye. Video 3

Harry the whippet had to think, wait, let go, and deal with the fact that there was something he couldn't have right now.

Having a resource in the interaction helps Harry regulate his arousal. It isn't running (that's where he has the most trouble thinking, stopping, not winding himself up), but an interaction between dogs doesn't have to come down to grabbing the other one by the tail or the fur, does it?

Running, with a dog who can say no

But… a dog doesn't live by sticks alone. Harry is a whippet. He loves to run. So why should we take that away from him? Watch him meet a young female who's every bit as lively. Video 4

Lesia can show what suits her and what doesn't. Harry has met a dog who can't simply be chased, who won't have his style of play forced on her. At the point where this short video starts, she has stopped herself and the other dog — she's called a break. Then she offers to get going again, moving towards Harry, but he needs a break from the interaction. She's nine months old and still taking in a lot herself, learning, experiencing, which you can see in the video.